Finding Time For Yourself Is Tough But Necessary
We all know that taking care of our kids is way more than a full-time job. Raising kids takes time, energy, and then some more energy - especially if our kids have neurodevelopmental differences. As parents, we often feel overwhelmingly exhausted. And, that’s only from parenting; some of us also balance careers, volunteer-work, social events, marriages, and life-challenges on top of that.
In the midst of all these responsibilities and priorities, it feels impossible to find time for ourselves. And for many parents, the word “rest” seems like something that is unattainable. It is part of a distant “before-parent” memory. Here’s what I want you to know: I hear you. Finding time for yourself as a parent is tough and it can even feel selfish or indulgent. I completely understand, and I have encountered all the apprehensive thoughts about rest.
But here’s what I know: the importance of rest is non-negotiable.
Here’s the key: Parenting is based on connection. Children’s ability to regulate their own emotions and responses is learned through their joined experiences with us as parents. Because of that, not only are we impacting our own quality of life if we are unrested, we are impacting all those in our home, especially our children, as we interact and do life together.
“So, rest is not indulgent, but necessary, if we want to help our children learn how to regulate and develop appropriate responses. ”
If we are not rested, our ability to tolerate the stressors of daily life becomes greatly diminished, and therefore impacts those we are in relationship with in a detrimental way. So, rest is not indulgent, but necessary, if we want to help our children learn how to regulate and develop appropriate responses. (For those of you who want to go deeper, this is based on interpersonal neurobiology, that is centered around idea that brains develop and change in the context of relationships.)
I talk a lot about the importance of our children getting outside, and about how to build a healthy family through activities and connection. But one of the most effective ways that we can build a healthy family is to start with ourselves. We as parents need to learn the importance of resting and resting well, so that we can have the energy and capacity to care for our children well. Otherwise, when we need more energy, we will find ourselves pulling from an empty bank.
I love what John Lubbock said, “Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
Rest is not idleness.
I believe rest is so important, that I am starting an 8-week series completely about rest. We will explore all the different types of rest and how to know when we need each type. I have borrowed some ideas from Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith’s book, Sacred Rest. (Her book is a great resource if you want to explore rest in an even deeper capacity.)
In her book, Dr. Dalton-Smith outlines 7 different types of rest, and we will be exploring each of these 7 types in the next 7 blog posts. The 7 types of rest are:
Physical Rest
Mental Rest
Emotional Rest
Spiritual Rest
Social Rest
Sensory Rest
Creative Rest
Without rest, we cannot be fully present. If we are not fully present, we are not able to work at our full capacity as parents. Don’t you want to give your family your best self?
Join me over the next several weeks as we learn how to rest well, so that we can set the stage to be the best parent we can be.